It’s like picking up trash in dresses..
When you’re thinking of someone, do you think they know? Do you think they can sense it and are thinking of you too? Maybe somewhere deep in their thoughts you are there. When you are doing something and you stop and wonder what someone else is doing don’t you wish your mind could work like a movie and have a flash into their lives, even if it is just for 10 seconds? Our imaginations can run wild making so many different scenarios but unless you are there with them, you never will know and it drives me crazy inside.
I hate knowing I have let someone down in some way. It’s such a struggle to keep up with everything that sometimes I don’t realize who I neglect. I’m sorry I can’t always be bubbly and kind and up for a hug or a laugh or a long talk. I know that even though I try not to let on my own problems or struggles going on in my life it is no reason to add to anyone else’s. If you are reading this I’m sure you know I am talking to you. I’m not the best at saying sorry and I know that this is not mature or sufficient enough to make up for anything but please understand that I’m trying. My emotions can’t just change like a flip of a switch. Please don’t take it too personally. Please I beg you. I know it isn’t fair for you or anyone else but I’m trying to be myself again and if you try to rush me it just makes me worse.
This is my mothers friend, I have known her and her family including her 18 year old daughter my whole life. This was very special and meant a lot to me:
Time to read a book, to sit and watch old movies, to just listen to someone talk about their lives. Time to slow down, to look around, to notice more, to observe detail and appreciate it. Time to just stop and think and talk and laugh and sleep and learn something new and and and just time. I just want time to figure out what to do with my time while I have it.
You have to think about who you’re going to hurt, how you’re going to do it, if it’s going to hurt, what happens after death, whether you’ll regret it. It starts off with one idea of wanting to die and then ending with all these unanswered questions. Don’t you dare fucking say it’s an easy way out, it isn’t. There is no easy way out because no matter what you do, someone is getting hurt.